'Madame Web'... I saw it. Yep, it's a piece of shit.

0/5 STARS

Okay, so I finally watched “Madame Web” in order to catch up on 2024 films that I may have missed from earlier in the year. Going into this movie, I knew it wasn’t going to be good based on film reviews and what others had told me when they saw the movie… so the bar was set low. It was so low, in fact, that it was on the damn ground.

Somehow, this movie dug a six foot hole and crawled under the motherfucking bar. Everything about this movie was terrible… well, almost everything. I did manage to find one good note. In the movie, Adam Scott does play a young Ben Parker and gives a good performance but Ben is not a big central part of this movie so no matter how good Scott did in the role, it was never going to be enough to save this dumpster fire of a movie.

Let’s go ahead and get the lame synopsis out of the way. In 1973, a pregnant woman was trying to find a rare spider in Peru that could have the power to heal and grant powers to anyone it bites. Just as she finds the spider, her fellow explorer Ezekiel Sims (Tahar Rahim) betrays her, shoots her, and steals the spider.

Then, a group of “spider-people” come to her rescue. While she will die in childbirth, they allow one of the spiders to bite her so that her soon-to-be-born daughter will survive. The lady gives birth and the main spider-person says that when the daughter realizes that she has powers, she can seek him out for answers in the future.

Cassandra Webb must protect three teens from the worst villain of all time.

Fast forward to 2003, the daughter turns out to be a paramedic aptly named Cassandra Webb, blandly played by Dakota Johnson who looks like she wants to be anywhere else but making this movie. As mentioned before, Scott is her fellow paramedic, Ben Parker… Yes, that Ben Parker. Anyway, there is an accident on the job where Cassandra almost dies and this opens up her powers.

Now, she has discovered that she can somewhat see into the future and prevent terrible things before they happen. Meanwhile, Ezekiel has similar powers in addition to others due to the “curse” of the spider he stole. He has been plagued by visions of three women in spider costumes killing him at some point in the future.

Therefore, his whole plot is to try and find the three girls while they are teenagers so that he can kill them and prevent his destiny. The girls are Julia Cornwall (Sydney Sweeney), Anya Corazon (Isabela Merced), and Mattie Franklin (Celeste O’Connor). Thankfully for them, Cassandra uses her powers to save them from Ezekiel and now they are on the run with Cassandra suddenly becoming a protector of the three girls.

Okay, so first off, the plot is just fucking dumb. Ezekiel is played by Rahim as a one note, monotone villain. Granted, Rahim does not have much to work with here on this film, but his goddamn terrible performance doesn’t help things. I seriously wanted to plug my ears any time he was talking.

Seriously, this villain fucking sucks as does the actor's performance.

I’ve already mentioned that Johnson looked like she wanted to be in any other movie than this, but the same can be said about Sweeney, Merced, and O’Connor. They’re just going through the paces with a shitty script. A script that actually involved five writers and all they managed to do was churn out this complete piece of shit.

The direction and cinematography is all over the place and the movie is completely tone deaf. It doesn’t know if it wants to be a slightly more light-hearted superhero film or a downright serious one and it turns out to succeed at being neither.

Then there are the constant fucking reminders that this is supposedly set in a world that will eventually have Spider-Man in it. The “spider-people” at the beginning of the movie are painted up red and have twigs all around them that make them look like Spider-Man. Not only is Uncle Ben here, but so is his pregnant sister and they’re all wondering one thing… What will the child’s name be? Hmm, I fucking wonder. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more.

Oh, she goes blind... in the dumbest fucking way possible.

I shit you not, there is even a point where someone says the line, “When you take on the responsibility, great power will come.” Ooh, writers, look at you. You thought you were so clever fucking around with Spider-Man’s most famous line.

Think about this for a moment. This movie had to be pitched to Sony, they had to accept it, they had to hire several writers to write it, they went through pre-production getting everything set up which included building sets, hiring the crew, and casting all the roles. They then had to shoot this garbage and then it had to enter post-production where it had to be edited and the shitty effects were added and the bland musical score was finally put into place.

I wonder if anyone in the cast or crew was just standing around one day and either thought or said out loud, “I think we may have just created one of the worst films ever made. Nay, one of the worst things ever made.”

Because that is what ultimately hit me after I watched the movie and I thought about it for a minute. I really wish that Disney would pay Sony to save these characters from Sony’s grasp and the shitty film universe that they’ve been trying to set up over the past two decades. This is not just easily the worst film of 2024. This is one of the worst movies I have ever seen in all the years that I’ve been watching movies.

MARVEL REVISITED #5 - 'Blade II' (2002)

It would be in 2002 when the superhero film powder keg was about to explode with “Spider-Man”, but there was another film released just a few months before Spidey made his big splash. New Line Cinema unleashed “Blade II” and this time it was directed by Guillermo del Toro from a script by returning writer David S. Goyer.

In the new movie, a new breed of vampire has emerged known as the Reapers. They’re mostly characterized by their lower jaws that can split into two for a bigger bite and they are also known to feed on both humans and vampires. This is why the leaders of the vampire nation have decided to turn to their sworn enemy, Blade (Wesley Snipes), for help.

Blade has just recovered and cured his mentor Whistler (Kris Kristofferson) after Whistler was attacked and turned in the original film. Blade has also taken on a younger weapons master known as Scud (Norman Reedus). They agree to help the vampires due to the fact that if the Reapers kill all the vampires, they know the humans will be next on the menu.

Blade tries to fight off the Reapers in 'Blade II'!

Blade is joined by the Bloodpack, a team of elite vampire soldiers that were trained to take Blade out but now find themselves aiding him. This includes Dieter Reinhardt, a smartass vampire that hates Blade and is played to perfection by Ron Perlman, an actor who frequently collaborates with del Toro.

Okay, I feel like I’ll be saying this a lot as I travel through these early superhero films, especially those that were released in the early 2000s. The special-effects have most definitely aged. In this movie, they wanted to show Blade and others doing supernaturally cool moves which meant making CGI models of the characters for some sequences.

However, these models feel like they have no skeletons with a sort of rubbery effect which is the best way I can describe them. I’ve seen various special-effects artists talk about these sequences and why they were so bad at the time as the technology just wasn’t quite there yet for some of the shots.

Ron Perlman squares off with Wesley Snipes' Blade!

On the flip side, I will say that they were nowhere near as distracting as I thought they’d be when I rewatched the movie. I think it is because these brief sequences with the CGI are quick enough to fly by before they really allow you to stop and notice them. The only time it was a true distraction was during the battle with Blade and Jared Nomak, the leader of the Reapers played by Luke Goss.

Beyond the sometimes janky CGI is another solid superhero entry and another great entry into the “Blade” series. I would say that I still enjoy this film more than the original, but I must also admit that this has changed with time. I remember when I watched this movie for the first time in 2002, I actually liked it more than the original. Today, I can say that they are neck and neck in terms of quality with the original film only slightly outshining this sequel.

At the end of the day, “Blade II” was another solid hit, earning more at the box office than the original against a relatively low budget of $54 million. Today, it gets caught in between “X-Men” and “Spider-Man” and all the films that came after it, but fans of the movie remember it fondly and I can definitely say that it holds up in spite of some aging flaws.

'Alien: Romulus' is a wild ride and a return to form!

Director Fede Álvarez helms “Alien: Romulus”, the latest film in the “Alien” franchise that serves as an interquel, being both a sequel to “Alien” and a prequel to “Aliens”. The movie stars Cailee Spaeny as Rain, a young space colonist trying desperately to seek a new life for both herself and her “brother” Andy (David Jonsson), a synthetic who was tasked to take care of Rain after her parents died.

She is soon contacted by an old boyfriend named Tyler (Archie Renaux) who is also looking for a way off of their mining colony, Jackson’s Star. Tyler, his sister Kay (Isabela Merced), their cousin Bjorn (Spike Fearn), and their pilot friend Navarro (Aileen Wu) want to infiltrate a derelict space station in order to gain access to some cryo containers so they can escape Jackson’s Star for another fully terraformed colony that is light years away.

The reason they need Rain and Andy is due to the fact that Andy is a reprogrammed Weyland-Yutani synthetic and he’ll have access to certain areas of the station. Rain agrees after her contract, supposedly fulfilled, is unceremoniously extended by the Company. Of course, when they get onboard they end up disturbing something sinister in the guise of facehuggers and Xenomorphs!

The Xenomorph is back in all its gory glory in 'Alien: Romulus'!

Now, the movie does start off kind of quiet. The first half hour is a bit of a slow burn as we learn of Rain and her friends’ predicament and motivations for wanting to raid the ship. However, don’t worry because by the time you reach the third act, this shit definitely has nuts in it!

The first thing of note are the special-effects. Now, for the aliens and the sets onboard the space station, everything is mostly practical and you can feel it. That’s not to say that the movie doesn’t have CGI effects. It most definitely does, but Álvarez only uses CGI when necessary and when he does, it’s gorgeous.

The movie also has more references to multiple films in the series and not just the first one, though the tone and aesthetic are most definitely based on producer Ridley Scott’s original classic. I was surprised to hear references to some movies, but I’m not going to spoil them here.

Cailee Spaeny plays Rain in 'Alien: Romulus'!

The good news is that if you’re not well versed in previous movies in the series, don’t worry. The movie provides you with enough information that you won’t be lost and you’ll be able to comprehend the movie all on its own. Knowing the franchise and recognizing the various easter eggs is just an added bonus for those who have stuck with this film series since the original.

Once again, composer Benjamin Wallfisch nails it with his score. The score has a lot of familiar beats from “Alien” while also adding an epic flair in order to accommodate the second half of the movie. This is especially true of the third act.

Now, I’m not going to spoil anything about the third act but to just reinforce what I’ve already heard a lot of people say about the movie. The third act goes straight for the jugular and it never lets go! There… that’s all I can say without getting too spoilery at this moment.

David Jonsson is Andy in 'Alien: Romulus'!

Finally, there are the performances. Cailee Spaeny is great as Rain, though to be fair, she is most definitely molded to be the Ripley of this movie. That’s one of the things I’ve noticed about this series. It seems they always feel the need for a Ripley-esque character, but thankfully Spaeny is more than up to the challenge.

The truly great performance of the movie goes to Jonsson as Andy, a simple-minded synthetic with dad jokes to spare as he is meant to be Rain’s guardian. Yet, throughout the movie, he has to go through a couple of twists that turn his performance into a balancing act of sorts and Jonsson is more than up to the task. I hope his performance here is recognized and we see a lot more of Jonsson in the future.

So, where does this movie rank in the series? Well, I’m a huge fan of “Alien” and “Aliens”, so I can’t quite say that this movie exceeds them, but I can say that it gets damn near close. This is a movie that lives up to the legacy of those first two movies and it even honors a couple of the other entries into the series.

The one thing that is certain is that this is a bonafide horror blockbuster that is worth your time and money. If there are any other entries after this one, which there likely will be, I hope they live up to this worthy entry that is a true return to form for the franchise!

MARVEL REVISITED #4 - 'X-Men' (2000)

“Blade” showed Hollywood that there was an audience for superhero films that didn’t have to be just for the kids. This gave other movie studios the confidence to move forward with their own superhero films. 20th Century Fox had long been developing “X-Men” for a live-action movie.

The second film that helped set off the superhero powder keg at the box office was “X-Men”, though the movie was hindered a bit by its relatively low budget. Yes, the budget was $75 million, but nice chunk of that budget was added later and allocated towards marketing the movie. Thus, this is why the third act takes place in the Statue of Liberty gift shop instead of a bigger location.

The movie starts off by stating that the world is now filled with mutants, humans with outstanding abilities that they are natually born with rather than getting them from some outside force. The “normal” humans are afraid of mutants and their potentially dangerous powers. It doesn’t help that there is a group of mutants, led by Magneto (Sir Ian McKellen), that wants to eliminate all humans and take over the world as the dominant species.

Hugh Jackman made his debut as Wolverine in 'X-Men' (2000)!

To counter Magneto, though, Professor Charles Xavier (Sir Patrick Stewart) heads up a school for gifted mutants. His adult students who now teach at the school also belong to a secret group of mutant protectors known as the X-Men. Professor X wants peace with humans and coexistence, but he also knows that he’ll have to contend with those who don’t share his peaceful goals.

While this movie is called the X-Men, we really follow two newcomers to Professor X’s school. First, there is a Rogue (Anna Paquin), a young girl who can’t be touched, otherwise she could drain someone’s life and/or mutant powers until they die. After she runs away from home, she becomes a hitchhiker with nowhere to go until she encounters Logan (Hugh Jackman), a mutant known as Wolverine who has metal claws that come out of his hands, fast healing powers, and no idea how he got the adamantium metal that is now grafted to his body.

This first movie in what would eventually become 20th Century Fox’s X-Men Universe captures the spirit of the comic books pretty well. The comics always featured a message about bigotry with the mutants’ powers standing in for someone who was a person of color or someone who was gay. The movie definitely contains this message that helps set it out above some of the other superhero films out there.

James Marsden is Cyclops in 'X-Men' (2000)!

I would say my biggest problem is that while the movie tries to stay within budget, some of the effects have definitely aged more than others, particularly a fight on top of the Statue of Liberty. Also, this was a time where Hollywood filmmakers felt that they couldn’t just translate the brightly colorful costumes from the comics into more of a real-world setting.

This is why the X-Men wear all black costumes more reminiscent of “The Matrix” than the source material. Their costumes don’t really bug me, but I know fans who were definitely irked by this back in the day, so it is worth mentioning the deviations from the source material.

One of the things that helps set this movie apart are the performances from a beyond solid cast. Stewart and McKellen are great as Professor X and Magneto, often debating Xavier’s more peaceful approach and Magneto’s more militant response. Paquin is also a highlight as Rogue, though she does have a slightly janky Southern accent that I’m glad she chose to shed somewhat in the later sequels.

Wolverine squares off against anti-mutant humans in 'X-Men' (2000)!

Finally, there is Jackman as Wolverine, the true star of the film really. This is partially helped by the fact that we get to spend more time with him and his background than the other characters, but it mostly due to the fact that Jackman was born to play Wolverine. Even 25 years later, I’m having trouble imagining anyone else in the role.

He can turn on Wolverine’s more primitive side instantly but can also smoothly transition to Logan’s more sensitive side that hides underneath the beast. It is a balancing act that Jackman would prove time and again that he was the right man for the job when they hired him only two weeks before production began when original actor Dougray Scott had to back out of the role.

Almost 25 years later, “X-Men” is still a fun blast even if it has aged a little bit over time. Sure, maybe the filmmakers were trying a little too hard to make everything look a little more “real”, but the action and performances more than deliver and thankfully, it paid off.

The movie made a respectable $296.3 million at the box office against its $75 million budget. More importantly, it once again proved that there was a sizable audience for these superhero films and it set the stage for bigger and better things in the future. 

MIDDLE-AGED MATINEE! #14 - 'Gremlins'

In “Gremlins”, a young man named Billy (Zach Galligan) receives an unusual gift from his father. It is a new pet known as a mogwai and Billy names him Gizmo. However, there are three rules when taking care of Gizmo: keep him out of the sunlight, don’t expose him to water, and don’t feed him after midnight. Of course, those rules are quickly broken and Gizmo violently gives birth to other mogwai.

However, these are different from Gizmo. They eventually morph into something more grotesque and violent. Soon, Billy’s whole town is being terrorized by these disgusting new monsters.

The movie, directed by Joe Dante and produced by Steven Spielberg, was a huge hit when it was initially released. However, critics and some families questioned how the movie got a PG rating when there was more than enough violence to potentially prompt a higher rating.

In fact, it was this movie and Spielberg’s “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom” that made Spielberg question why there wasn’t another rating somewhere in between the lighter PG rating and the hard R rating. Due to this, the MPAA eventually responded with a new rating known as PG-13.

Gizmo, the famous mogwai that gives birth to the "Gremlins"!

The movie is darkly funny and the violence within is a stark constrast to the idealic Christmas setting of the movie. The story itself is aware of this contradiction and it shows even more when the film’s female lead, Kate Beringer (Phoebe Cates), talks about hating Christmas due to a tragic accident involving her father years before the movie.

To be fair, I can understand how this movie got a PG rating at the time of its release. The whole affair is relatively bloodless despite a few minor scars here and there. Most of the blood that is seen is the vile green blood of the Gremlins as one of them is dispatched in a delightfully absurd way.

That’s another reason I don’t take the violence too seriously. Dante amps up the violence to such a cartoonish level that it’s hard to really take any of it too serious. And that is exactly what Dante wanted to do which was make a movie that was a gleefully dark and fun horror comedy.

Billy faces off against the leader of the "Gremlins".

The characters in the movie are memorable. Galligan did a good job as the innocent Billy, Cates was just as dependable here as she was in any of the films she appeared in during the ‘80s, and Corey Feldman was good as Billy’s kid friend, Pete Fountaine. Of course, with a film named “Gremlins”, you don’t necessarily come for the humans.

The special-effects for the Gizmo and the Gremlins were done by special-effects wizard Chris Walas. He would later be better known as the guy who created all the gnarly effects for David Cronenberg’s remake of “The Fly”. Here, he makes a Gizmo that we genuinely care about while making sinister monsters that gross us out.

What can I say, this is a quintessential film of the 1980s. It’s a Spielberg infused family film and a smash hit for Dante. It would go on to spawn a sequel, “Gremlins 2: The New Batch”, and a third film has been in development hell for decades. No matter how the film series turned out, though, this original film is an exciting and darkly funny ride that is always worth taking!

MARVEL REVISITED #3 - 'Blade' (1998)

Okay, this is where Marvel finally got to take off in theaters everywhere! There are three films that led to the modern day superhero flicks that we enjoy today. Yes, in 2000 and 2002, the powder keg exploded with the release of the highly successful “X-Men” from 20th Century Fox and  “Spider-Man” from Sam Raimi and Sony Pictures.

However, in 1998, a film came along that truly showed Hollywood that there was a serious audience for these kinds of films. This was when New Line Cinema released “Blade”, starring Wesley Snipes as Blade, a half-vampire/half-human referred as a “Daywalker”!

Kris Kristofferson stars as Abraham Whistler, Blade’s mentor and fellow vampire hunter. N’Bushe Wright stars as Dr. Karen Jenson, a hemotologist that is bitten by a vampire and saved by Blade. Therefore, she is trying to develop a cure for both her and Blade.

Our villain of the movie is Deacon Frost, played perfectly by Stephen Dorff. He is trying to resurrect an ancient vampire god so that he can have enough power to take over the vampire world and to turn the human world into vampires as well.

Blade is ready to take on the whole vampire nation in 'Blade'!

The movie is directed by Stephen Norrington and written by David S. Goyer. The action is solid all around as Blade slices and dices through various vampires. The opening that takes place at a vampire night club foreshadows the amazing action you’ll receive throughout the movie.

In between, you’ll learn of a dark underworld of monsters that have a tentative truce with humanity until Deacon’s rise to power. The old vampires wish to see the truce continue while Deacon only sees humanity as cattle. On the flip side, Blade hates all vampires and will stop at nothing to see every last one of them burned to ash at the end of his sword or with a silver bullet.

The film is grim but it can also be darkly humorous. There is a running joke with Deacon’s second-in-command, Quinn, played by Donal Logue. He’s a stronger vampire that can survive wounds inflicted by Blade that would kill other vampires.

Therefore, Blade will stab him in one scene, then come back to shoot him in another or slice off another one of Quinn’s appendages. It’s funny seeing Quinn being progressively cut down by Blade and seeing the effects it has on his body before he heals.

Now, this movie is 26 years old, so I will admit that some of the special-effects, particularly those featured in the climactic ending, have aged poorly. Despite this, though, the movie is still a dark, rock solid action film with a great lead character, a reliable villain, and a pretty good story to boot.

The movie had a relatively low budget for these kinds of films as Hollywood was still a little shy with how to proceed with serious superhero films. Thankfully, Norrington and crew did the best they could and they succeed more than they fail. At the end of the day, there is a possible world where we don’t get other Marvel movies had this movie bombed at the box office and on home video.

Thankfully, it was a success and it did show other studios how you could make these films and that the audience would show up. “X-Men” and “Spider-Man” may have been the films where the box office soared and the aforementioned metaphorical superhero powder keg exploded, but “Blade” was the movie that officially lit the fuse and is a bonafide classic.

MARVEL REVISITED #2 - 'The Punisher' (1989)

I do remember that I saw “The Punisher” when I was a kid but I don’t remember much about the movie, if I’m being honest. Again, like “Howard the Duck” that came before, what I do remember was that most people dismissed this movie and claimed that it was an inferior adaptation of a Marvel character.

So, I must admit that I went into this viewing with the lowest of expectations. Therefore, I was actually kind of surprised by what I got at the end of the viewing.

For a little more behind-the-scenes context, this was a movie produced by Roger Corman’s New World Pictures and was released theatrically in international markets and was eventually released straight-to-video in the United States due to financial difficulties that New World was going through at the time. Ultimately, it was a hit for New World as it produced $30 million in home rental revenue on a $9 million dollar budget.

In the movie, Frank Castle has already been operating as “The Punisher” for the past five years after the death of his family by a mobster with deep ties to organized crime. Normally, that is enough to set up an entire film, but Frank deals with his family’s murderers quite early on and proclaims that anyone who is guilty of a crime will soon receive a visit from his alter ego, the Punisher.

Dolph Lundgren stars as Frank Castle in "The Punisher"!

Eventually, though, the Punisher finds himself having to try and save children of various crime bosses when the Yakuza try to step in and run things in New York. The Yakuza are attempting to move in thanks to Frank’s weakening of the major crime families, so he eventually finds himself responsible for the kids caught in the crossfire.

Let us first mention the film’s major flaws. First off, it is a low-budget affair and this comes through on some scenes where you can tell it was more of a generic 1980s action film. Secondly, it does omit some things from the original Marvel Comics on which it is based, namely the famous skull logo featured in the comic books.

Beyond that, though, I must admit that I was pleasantly surprised by what was featured in the movie. The action is violent and uncompromising like the comic from which the character is based. Secondly, the performances are good, particularly Lundgren as Frank Castle and Louis Gossett Jr. as Detective Jake Berkowitz, a guy who has been hunting down Castle for the past five years.

So, the movie isn’t perfect and it definitely isn’t for everybody. It is a low-budget and relentless affair, but I must admit that this is true to the comic book character. In short, it is a fine 1980s action thrill ride. It may not be for everyone, but it is a better adaptation than I expected it to be based on its storied reputation.

MARVEL REVISITED #1 - 'Howard the Duck' (1986)

Welcome to ‘Marvel Revisited’! In this article, I’m taking a look back at the Marvel films that came out before the Marvel Cinematic Universe was created in 2008. Before Marvel decided to create a gigantic mega franchise worth billions of dollars, they licensed their characters out to several studios.

Eventually, we’ll get to some great stuff, but to say that Marvel’s first foray into live-action films was rough is putting it mildly. Today, I took a look at “Howard the Duck” and let’s just say… Well, let’s just get to it.

Okay, so you have Universal Pictures distributing a movie based on a Marvel Comic. George Lucas, the mastermind behind what was then the “Star Wars” trilogy, is producing the movie. You also have two solid actors with Lea Thompson and Tim Robbins along with Jeffrey Jones as an actor that is always dependable to be your villain.

With Lucas’ involvement also comes Industrial Light & Magic, the best special-effects house in all of Hollywood. On top of that, you have the writers of both “American Graffiti” and “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom” penning the script. So, just how in the hell did they all fuck up “Howard the Duck” so badly!?

Unfortunately for her, Lea Thompson stars in 'Howard the Duck'.

We’re introduced to Howard, an anthropomorphic duck from Duckworld who is almost immediately ripped from his world and sent spiraling through the galaxy until he crash lands on Earth. He has no idea how he got here or how he’s going to get back.

He’s shunned by almost everyone he meets until he runs into Beverly Switzier (Thompson), an up and coming musician who Howard saves from a couple of thugs. There is also Phil Blumburtt (Robbins), a lab assistant that wants to get famous after “discovering” Howard, but he also wants to get Howard home if he can. Meanwhile, the same thing that brought Howard to Earth may have also brought something more menacing back as well.

So, I hadn’t seen this movie since I was a kid and really couldn’t remember almost any of it, so this was like a first time viewing for me. The only thing I ever remembered hearing over the years was that it was one of the worst movies ever made. However, it has gained something of a cult following over the years, so I went in with an open mind.

Well, that mind quickly closed about ten minutes into the movie. The biggest problem is that it just isn’t that funny and 99% of the time when they go for the jokes, they fall flat on their face. Also, the movie is rated PG though there is enough here that it should have at least gotten a PG-13.

They even managed to convince Tim Robbins to star in this garbage.

That’s another problem with the movie. It doesn’t know whether it wants to be a straight up kids movie or if it wants to appeal to the adults in the audience. Instead, it loses both as it is obvious that the writers gave us a far more toned down version of a comic book character that is made more for adults than he is for kids.

I will admit that there are a couple of special-effects that are kind of fun, especially when the movie’s villain, the Dark Overlord, uses his powers. However, Howard himself looks terrible and I was shocked to learn that they spent $2 million on the suit alone. Why? So it could puff smoke every once in awhile? Or was it so the beak could move just a little bit more than up and down? No matter the reason, the studio spent too much fucking money on this atrocious suit.

Jeffrey Jones stars as a scientist possessed by the Dark Overlord.

Okay, I think I’ve established that the movie is absolute garbage and there is no way in hell that I can recommend it, so I’ll leave you with a fun movie fact. It is perhaps the silver lining that can be taken away from this turd of a movie. “Howard the Duck” bombed so hard that Lucas needed to recuperate financially. This meant that he had to sell off some of his assets.

Steve Jobs stepped in with Disney and he brought Lucas’ company that specialized in computer generated effects and he paid generously for the company to boot. That company was Pixar, the studio that would eventually rise to fame with the release of “Toy Story” in 1995. Therefore, the argument could be made that if we didn’t get this giant shit show, we may have never gotten one of the most celebrated animation companies the world has ever known.

Also, Disney would eventually buy Marvel, so at least we know things didn’t come crashing down for Marvel, either. Even so, “Howard the Duck” was a terrible start for live-action adaptations of characters from Marvel Comics.